Sharing food preferences
This past weekend I worked at/attended Misericordia’s Angel Ball. It was a fantastic event! It was wonderful to see so many people out there supporting a great cause, and the evening itself went so smoothly.
During the delicious dinner, a good friend who was there with me as a volunteer asked me if I have any special food restrictions right now. Most of the people in my life are aware that I “dabble” in different types of eating, so she was interested as to what the situation was right now. I explained that I’m trying to eat high-raw and mostly-vegan at home, but that I’m letting myself eat what I like when I’m out with other people.
This particular friend is awesome in that I’ve never felt judged by her – she’s genuinely interested without thinking, you’re crazy! But the brief conversation got me thinking. When you tell people that you’re a raw foodist or that you eat vegan or even that you eat vegetarian, it can elicit horrified, baffled, and weirded-out looks from the people you’re with. But if you happen to say that you’re a raw foodist, vegan or vegetarian at home, most of them don’t really have much of a reaction.
From what I can gather, it’s because we want other people to eat like us and with us. I once went for lunch with a couple friends at a restaurant where they serve a large bowl of salad that you portion out yourselves, and my friends were complaining that the salad wasn’t the same when they had to toss the dressing in there themselves. I’ve also had people try to justify their choices – I haven’t eaten in hours, I’ve eaten really healthy all week, I definitely need a drink after my day at work – when I’m eating with them and I’m choosing lighter/healthier foods.
But when I eat the same foods as them – if we share appetizers, if I drink alcohol, if I’m willing to have the meat option – they don’t feel the need to voice anything about what I’m eating, how I’m eating, or why we’re all eating the way that we are.
Even my dear friend the nutritionist admitted to me recently that she would find it tough to date a raw foodist because she wants someone she “can eat steak with.” That made me giggle 🙂
I don’t think that any of the above is wrong – after all, like attracts like, and we want to be able to feel comfortable with the people we’re with – but I do find it frustrating that with some people (and certainly with strangers) I sort of have to “prepare myself” if I’m making healthier options to be able to handle the onslaught that’s likely to come. Which is really why I’m doing what I’m doing with allowing myself to eat “whatever” when I’m out with others… it makes everyone feel more comfortable.
Plus, it’s really nice to share meals with people and eat the same as them.
All of that being said, I’m still doing an 11-day green smoothie fast, starting next week. Fun stuff! Details to come 🙂
Do other peoples’ food preferences have an impact on the frequency of time that you spend with them? Would you have difficulty, as my nutritionist friend does, with dating someone with wildly different views on nutrition from yourself?
Interesting! I’ve found the same with people because of my unusual eating style. The only time it affects me is I draw the line with going out to eat with morbidly obese admitted food addicts as I feel I am enabling their addiction. Maybe I need to get over that, what do you think?
Hmm. I don’t know – I think that if people are addicted to food, they need to confront their addiction to be able to overcome it. After all, food isn’t something like drinking or smoking – we all NEED food to survive, so even if we’re addicted, we can’t just “quit” eating. I know that for myself, 99% of the time I’ve ever overeaten, it’s been when I was alone. Somehow having people around can help to confront any issues related to overeating.
Door swings both ways, actually. When I went home a few semesters ago, my mom was very “Can you eat ANYTHING that isn’t ridiculously healthy?” I wasn’t eating vegan or vegetarian or anything…I just didn’t want all of my food baptized in butter. It was irritating. My dad, on the other hand, despite not being a healthy eater at all, made every effort to choose restaurants where I could get something healthy. He was just pretty happy that I am a verrry flexible healthy eater.
Since I don’t have any “dietary restrictions” except on crappy-tasting food, the issue isn’t too big. Back when I was more likely to choose a healthy option at a restaurant, sometimes my friends would chuckle or make a little joke when I’d make a list of specifications, but it wasn’t judgmental. Co-workers are a bit different. I’ve gotten remarks about my huge-ass salads or weird foods. Half the office thought I was a vegan for awhile. But the first office I was in had quite a few weight-obsessed chunky people, so the remarks sometimes bordered on unfriendly. My second office had mostly healthy people, so the remarks or comments were always, at the very worst, fondly teasing. My best memory was when my boss got me an ice cream cake for my birthday. One of my editors, who was gathered with everyone, went “But it’s not vegan!” Everyone laughed when I replied “They better not have snuck tofu into my ice cream!”
I find the best way to deal with it is to not bother justifying. People sense, even subconsciously, when you feel self-righteous or guilty about an eating choice. If I want a damn salad, I order a damn salad. It’s not like I ordered grasshoppers.
I like your thoughts on this!
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